Halfway over the Highlevel tonight, I think I got my mojo back. This is the first run in a while that's really felt good. My pace was abominable and my footing was a little scary with all the fresh snow, but I felt so happy and thankful to be doing exactly what I was doing.
When it comes to making work, or applying myself to anything related to my career as an artist, I have to come to terms with the fact that I might fail. This drawing might fail. This application may be rejected. Accepting that things might not turn out is part of the process, but sometimes it's a huge roadblock to going forward. This week's been especially hard for that; I've gotten tons of good news recently, but with that, tons of ways that I could fail as an artist as well. I couldn't cope with the idea; I'd decided to waste a whole bunch of time by escaping into books or the internet or even just into sleep so I could avoid doing the work and avoid the fear that I will suck.
What I need is just to take a deep breath, and plunge right in. What I expected to be just a 7ish km run turned into 15km run tonight, and I think this is what finally has broken my week long funk. It gave me courage. Even if I fail, I need to give myself a fair chance to surprise myself.
On to my good news!
1) Back in December I applied to get into the AGA Alberta Biennial. I just received an email notifying me that I will be getting a studio visit by the curator! I don't think this means I'm 100% in the show, but I was hopping and screaming and giggling at the idea that I could be shortlisted! I have about a week to prepare myself for this visit. I'm nervous. SO SO NERVOUS, but I'm going to pull myself together, and present my work and myself as best as I can.
2) I was talking about a secret project a few posts ago; well, it's been accepted into this particular show! More details to come when the time is right, but know that I have a lot of work to do between now and May to complete it.
3) (old news at this point) I have to complete my proposed work for the Insight: Health Humanities show. This will be due April 20. I'm... feeling the time crunch. I won't say I can't do it! I definitely can, it will just mean a lot lot lot of hard work.
Right now, I've opened a bottle of wine that I've been meaning to save for a special occasion, because it looked very fine (a Christmas gift from one of the doctors - thanks Dr. V). But I just needed a glass and tonight felt so good and now here I am, close to midnight, drinking and sitting in a bathrobe and my hair up in a towel.
I think I'll paint.